i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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