So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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