i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
MIDGETS
????
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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