Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
