On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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