On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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