i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
