If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
