btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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