Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
