My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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