So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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