TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
