I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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