you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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