Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
