This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
