Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
