my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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