so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
