vagina is talking i cant
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
