i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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