how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
