Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
