WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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