I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
