I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
