My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am naked and annoyed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
