And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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