HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
