I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
