im about as happy as oj after his trial
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
