Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Floor bacon is actually really good
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