you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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