R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
