Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
