I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
