I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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