No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
