ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
