How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize