haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
