Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
