those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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