I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
