Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
