I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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