forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
