Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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