After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
