I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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