When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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