I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
