I want to have your abortion
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
