Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
