Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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