Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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