she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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