Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
All the doctor said was why
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
