i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
