Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
