Will you blow on my dice?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize