At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
