We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
These tits shall not be calmed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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