dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
