I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize