I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
