I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
