Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
