so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
