I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
