Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
