Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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