In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
