I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
